'The Mentalist' Sez: Ace Gibson Was Ace

I'm not really sure what this has to do with what, but I was given this interesting press release about how this dude Ace Gibson WAS on that show The Mentalist LAST Sunday, which is amusing because the show is called The Mentalist, which would suggest it's about stuff that is going to happen in the future, and not stuff that already happened.

Regardless, Ace Gibson definitely has the coolest name of anybody ever, except maybe Guy Pierce. In the episode of The Mentalist on which Ace Gibson appeared, he played a dude who went on a radio show with his girlfriend to talk about their relationship issues. That's not exactly a character befitting a dude with a name as awesome as Ace Gibson, but that's why he's an actor, and obviously one with range, because that character sounds like kind of a pussy, and nobody named Ace Gibson could possibly be a pussy, bro.

Then again, according to this press release, Ace Gibson originally planned to be a dancer, and did a bunch of dancing in New York. Goddamit, now I have to re-think my entire assessment of Ace Gibson. But wait! Further down in the press release, it says that since 2011, Ace Gibson has been training in Wing Chun kung fu! All right, all right, he's not a pussy. Most likely.

You can decide for yourself, I suppose, by looking over his website, www.acegibson.com. And maybe you can see his Mentalist appearance through the clairvoyance of Hulu or something. Good luck with that. (He's the black dude in the picture.)

HAPPY ZOMBIE DAY

May all your scrotum-gnashing, gallbladder-fucking dreams come true.

Playboy Model Now Marketing Real Estate

I wish there was a more clever headline to go with this, but I'm all out of cleverness at the moment. All I know is the girl in the picture, Neferteri Shepherd, is pretty foxy, and now she is applying the skills at foxiness she honed as Playboy's July 2000 Playmate of the Month to heading up the marketing department for Advantage Real Estate, Inc.

Why am I writing about this? What is Advantage Real Estate, Inc.? How does modeling for Playboy qualify her to do marketing for them? The answers to all of these questions may elude us until the end of time, or at least until the next paragraph.

David Rosenfeld, the president of Advantage Real Estate, had this to say about Neferteri: "I am pleased to have Neferteri join our firm and lead our team in its marketing and advertising efforts. She brings expertise, experience and a solid background in media and marketing."

A background in media! That she does, I suppose. I also suppose this Rosenfeld fellow is a Jew. Call it a hunch. But one thing's for sure: according to the press release I got about this, she will report directly to him. Just like a Jew to flaunt his new pr girl's one-time appearance in Playboy. Hell, like I wouldn't.

Well, hope this thing works out for everyone involved. And that I can track down the July 2000 Playboy.

(P.S. I am a Jew. In case there was any question.)

Some BRAND New 'Contemporary Songs'

If there's one thing I like, it's contemporary songs. Well lucky for me, my pal Carlos over at Scribe Services PR has a client by the name of Kenny Brand who just put out an album called—you're never gonna believe this—"Contemporary Songs."

(Side note: see how I worked in the dude's name to the headline all pun-like? Take a lesson, crappy headline writers!)

So another thing I like, it just so happens, is stuff that tells you exactly what it is right up front, with no punches pulled. It makes me feel good to know that if I pick up a copy of "Contemporary Songs," I'm not going to pop it in and be assaulted by any donkey-shit old-timey songs. Hell to the no! You know how I can be sure of this? 'Cause it's right there in black and white on the cotton-pickin' album cover, man. I want my songs contemporary, and that's exactly how "Contemporary Songs" is gonna give 'em to me, goddamit!

Now it should be noted that Brand is the composer of the contemporary songs on "Contemporary Songs," not the performer. However, wait'll you get a load of who DOES put the contemporary in these songs! According to Carlos' press release, that would include "some of the biggest names in pop and rock music such as Ellis Hall, renowned vocalist for Tower of Power; Thin Lizzy bassist Marco Mendoza; famed California Philharmonic percussionist Ronnie Gutierrez; renowned vocalist Shea Chambers and many others."

Now that's what I call contemporary! There are 10 contemporary songs in all to be savored upon this smorgasbord of contemporariness. Until, I suppose, the time comes when they are no longer contemporary, and then this entire album will become ironic. But for now, "Contemporary Songs" is totally contemporary, and can be found at KennyBrand.com, Amazon.com and a few other places where one typically finds songs (and/or CDs containing them).

Pictured: Kenny Brand (who I gotta say, don't look all that contemporary).

HAPPY ZOMBIE DAY

May all your liver-slurping, face-chomping dreams come true.

Some Inside Movie Shit: Paris the French Robot

Being who I am, I sometimes get inside info on some real-deal Hollywood movings and shakings and whatnot. This isn't really that, but I think it's hilarious so I'm writing about it anyway.

My friend Carlos of Scribe Services PR represents this French actress by the name of Paris Benjamin (that's her--->) who just shot a movie called Folklore in which, according to Carlos' press release, "She plays Annabelle, an android" joined by "a water nymph, a vampire, extra terrestrials and other assorted beings who are asked to talk about their lives by a government agency in a far-off future."

First off, this girl is from France and her name is Paris. Coincidence, or weird attempt to ride on the esteemed coattails of Paris Hilton? Hard to say, but that's neither here nor there. Let me share what Paris has to say about playing Annabelle the android (oh yeah, Folklore is a comedy):

"I never played an android and working on a comedy is always fun. I liked the idea of a science-fiction comedy, but I also liked being a really strange character that has to explain herself even though she's really a robot. There's something really funny about that but also something very meaningful."

Ohhhhhhhh, where to begin?! Paris (if that's your real name) ... I'm sorry you got cast in something that sounds like a fake bad movie pitch someone might give on The Simpsons, but you really don't have to attempt to pass it off as containing any meaning, I promise. Because it doesn't.

That said, you are kinda hot, so I will most likely see the movie anyway. I'm a sucker for that sort of thing. Good night, and good luck. Love, Scrog.

Random Internet Image of the Day